Issue 31

Baked October 28, 2010

Hot Stories

Palestinians Say New East Jerusalem Pregnancies Threatens Talks

Palestinian officials said Israel’s announcement of 240 new Jewish pregancies in eastern Jerusalem was a further blow to renewed peace talks. Israel’s Birthing Ministry announced Friday that among 3,500 pregnancies throughout Israel, 240 were approved for birth in Ramot and Pisgat Ze’ev, in Jerusalem’s north, Ha’aretz reported. […] Full Story

FDA Approves Heretic Drug For The Annoyingly Religious

The first ever prescription heretic drug hit the shelves today. Approved by the FDA last month, Apikorex is intended as a treatment for the approximately one million Jews who are insufferably religious. […] Full Story

New Archaeological Discovery In Israel A Real Headturner

The archaeological world was buzzing this week, following the announcement of new archaeological finds that shed light on life in the Holy Land during the Biblical Era. At a press conference in Jerusalem, noted archaeologist Dr. Yerachmiel “Flatbush” Schwartz of the Yeshivas Ner Yisroel’s Institute for Biblical Archaeology unveiled three limestone statues bearing the same shape and dimensions as modern Styrofoam heads found at Tel (archaeological mound) Bayis VeGan in Western Jerusalem, in a layer dating to the seventh century BCE, coinciding with the mid-to-late First Temple era. […] Full Story

Rabbis Debate Updating The Halachic Rules of Engagement 

The recent Halachic ruling by Israel’s Tzomet Institute allowing female agents of Israel’s secret service to engage in gilui arayos for the sake of national security has opened a series of vigorous debates across the global Rabbinic community on tshuvos and halachic waivers for various issues of national and communal concern. […] Full Story

Laining Fatality Rate Totally Unacceptable to Local Shul

For many weeks after the official 2009 laining casualty statistics came out this past September, conversation at Cong. Ben Adam L'Makom was about nothing else. The report showed that in 2009, there were 7 deaths due to poor laining. This was the lowest death rate since the shul’s inception in 1984. The report officially attributes the drop to a higher caliber of baalei kriah, but most congregants seem to disagree. […] Full Story

Canadian Government Releases 300,000 Men From Strategic Bochur Reserve 

In response to America's dire shortage of Jewish boys, the Harper administration made the emergency decision today to release 300,000 males from the U.S. Strategic Bochur Reserve. The reserve is a giant freezer located in Tronno, designed to be opened for emergencies only and only when the shidduch crisis reaches epidemic proportions. It is located in Canada, so that once released into the wild, the boys will trickle down into the rest of the Americas and sweep available Jewish girls off of their feet. […] Full Story

Cool Photos

  • captioned pic Yichud Room Goes Really Well
  • captioned pic Peter Parker Prayed a Pair of Perakim of Psalms
  • captioned pic Exposed: How Gerer Chasidim Train Their Payos to Stay Under Their Yarmulkes
  • captioned pic Spy Photo Leaked of Meeting of the Eldresses of Zion

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Deep Quote

"I thought I heard that Moshe was eating pizza, but I'm not mekabel." --Rabbi Sholom Gold, Menahel, Torah V'Yirah HS

Knish Horoscope

Gdi/Capricorn: A shidduch is in your future. Not your shidduch, though.


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