Issue 29

Baked November 12, 2008

Hot Stories

Hamodia Acknowledges Existence of Women

In an unexpected reversal that anthropologists worldwide are calling groundbreaking, Hamodia, for the first time since it was launched in 3760 B.C.E., openly admitted to the existence of women following the release of the OU's NEKAIVEH (Nu Efsher Kaviyoochil Az Izdoo Vomen in Eylim Hazeh) initiative this October. […] Full Story

Member Expelled From Gay Synagogue for Secret Heterosexual Relationship

The Board of Temple Ahavas Achichem, Boston’s leading gay synagogue, took the controversial step this week of expelling long-time member Mordechai Cutlery, following the disclosure that he engaged in a physical relationship with a woman for a period of six months. […] Full Story

The Hot Chanie Field Guide

Like real Barbies, Hot Chanies come in lots of models (never "versions," always "models"), and I've braved the streets of Brooklyn to catalog just a few of the latest Hot Chanies cruising the 13th Avenue catwalk. […] Full Story

Tzedakah Guarantees Real Aniyim to Contributors, or Else

As Pesach approaches, the usual battles mount over which tzedakah has the worthiest aniyim. Kupat tzarrat, based in Bnei Berak, claims a 99.5% leper rate. Kupat Ivrim, also based in Bnei Berak, claims a 98% blindness rate. A new tzedkah for 2008, coincidently also in Bnei berak, Kupat tzarrat Ivrim, claims a 96% blind Leper rate. […] Full Story

Eyes of the World on Israel as the 32nd Shmolympics Begin

The eyes of the world turned towards Israel this week as the Thirty-Second Shmolypic Games began. With great fanfare, the Shmolympic torch was lit in Mea Shearim on Tuesday with a Havdala candle that was carried by hand for the last two months by a relay team of dark suited rabbinical students since its initial lighting in Boro Park, Brooklyn. […] Full Story

Frei Sector Establishes Immodesty Court

The strictly frei sector has established a new immodesty court to grant treifus certificates to women’s clothing stores. Lycra has become very popular among frei women in recent years. The fabric stretches over the body and, according to rabbis, enhances those parts that should be hidden and exposes parts that should be concealed. […] Full Story

Cool Photos

  • captioned pic Sweating to the Yoilies CD a Big Hit
  • captioned pic Wife Accidentally Washes Red Snood With Whites
  • captioned pic Women's Volleyball Final Attracts Crowd
  • captioned pic Lubavitch Sends T-800 Back in Time to Protect Holy Temple

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