Issue 16

Baked December 1, 2004

Hot Stories

Holy Sheet! Hits the Spot

A new product is tearing up the market. Holy Sheet! was introduced just two weeks ago, but it's already shredding the competition. […] Full Story

Two Jews Found Holding Same Opinion

The Jewish scientific community was rocked this week by reports of an unprecedented discovery. […] Full Story

Deceased Arafat Denies Link to Resurrection Bombers

Doctors have confirmed that Yassir Arafat is finally staying dead. Arafat's constant flip-flopping from death to life was the cause of much consternation and confusion during his last few days. […] Full Story

Shadchan World Shocked by Truth Scandal

The Jewish matchmaking world is currently reeling from the effects of a shocking allegation. […] Full Story

Skivvies Scandal Enters Spin Cycle

The latest craze sweeping through Lakewood is well on its way to becoming a chiyuv, totally bypassing the minhag phase. […] Full Story

Derech Pesoyim Launches Campaign to End Fleishig Fear

Inspired by Dor Yeshorim's highly-praised campaign to stamp out Tay Sachs, the organization Derech Pesoyim has announced the rollout of the first premarital test for the dreaded Fleishig Fear gene. […] Full Story

Cool Photos

  • captioned pic Elders of Zion Hold Secret Solstice Meeting
  • captioned pic New Milk Campaign Targets Hasidic Community
  • captioned pic Head and Shoulders Shortage Claims Another Victim

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Deep Quote

"So can you roll over your 18 minutes into the following week if you don't use them?" --Verizon Wireless salesman to Chabadnick

Knish Horoscope

Dagim/Pisces: You will find both the source of that smell and that gefilte fish that went missing.

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Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.