Issue 1

Baked June 1, 2003

Hot Stories

Brooklyn is the Center of the Universe

It was discovered yesterday that Brooklyn is, indeed, the center of the Universe. Pooling the resources of the American Astrophysics Association, NASA, and We Are The World (Brooklyn, that is), the four-year study analyzed the gravitational pull of the Universe and other factors. […] Full Story

Boring Conversation During Rabbi's Speech

Adam Bullosky surprised his friends last Shabbos by his boring conversation during the Rabbi's speech. Bullosky, a 23 year old law student at Cordova, and his buddies usually hang out near the coat room during the Rabbi's speech. […] Full Story

Midwood Mother Achieves Rare Naches Triple Crown

Rona Millit of Midwood Brooklyn is flying high on a record-breaking naches streak. […] Full Story

Mayor Bloomberg Declares Other Cities Axis of Evil

Mayor Bloomberg declared today that Miami, Denver and Newark are an "Axis of Evil" that must be dealt with. "These cities have trampled on all that we hold dear for long enough," the NYC Mayor stated. […] Full Story

Riots After Dreidel Championships

Police were needed to quell a wild riot that occurred after the Lakewood Vilde Chayas were defeated by the Boro Park Machers in the 2003 Dreidel Championships. The riot occurred in front of the 48th Street Shtiebel, where the game took place. […] Full Story

Shnurer Union Formed

Shnurer Local 613 was officially created yesterday, making it the first local chapter of the newly formed Shnurer Labor Union (SLU). […] Full Story

Cool Photos

  • captioned pic Israeli Policeman and Religious Dude Experience Uncomfortable Silence
  • captioned pic Snoods Snoody to Gold-Glittered Hat
  • captioned pic Elders of Zion To-Do List: Control banks: Done! Control media: Done! Control weather: Working on it

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Knish Classifieds

Used esrog for sale. Paid $250, asking $1.75. CHEAP! Call (347) 555-9823

Knish Personals

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

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Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.