This Year's Kosher Circus Even Frummer

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA — [TheKnish.com] Last Pesach, the frum community created a kosher circus featuring separate seating, all male performers, and kosher food, among other features. However, that was last year. This year we are all much frummer. So this Pesach, the Glatt Kosher, Cholov Yisroel, Pas Yisroel, Yoshon, Bodek, Mehadrin Min Hamehadrin, Chasideshe Shechita Circus will be coming to town. Among the differences between this year’s circus and the last:

• A bigger sign that can fit the longer name.


• While last years circus banned female performers as they are traif, kal v'chomer any animal that is really traif must be banned. The elephants will be replaced by cows. Lions and tigers will be replaced by chickens.


• Last year's performers were limited to male performers, but this year they will be limited to shomer shabbos performers, preferably gedolim. At first there was a panic to find a gadol who can tame lions, but once the lions were replaced by chickens it was not so hard. In addition, the performers will be paid with a shabbos meal made from the chickens.


• Last year men and women were seated separately, this year all branches of Judaism (within the frum spectrum of course) will be separated. The separation will be so fine that each person will have his own section. The aforementioned system will apply to men only. Any woman attending the
  circus will be stuffed into the kitchen where they can assist with the chicken plucking.


• While last years circus served kosher l'Pesach food, this years circus will serve no food, as all food is traif according to someone. Even water (in filtered form of course) will be banned as it may be drunk by someone with matzo in their stomach, thus causing a problem of gebruktz.


• In order to not be oiver loshon hora chas v'shalom, the clowns will refrain from being silly and instead read a kapitel Tehillim.


• Last year’s circus received hundreds of rabbinic endorsements. This year’s received zillions.

Writer

You can find David Friedman at the kosher circus. He is the clown with the yellow shtreimel.

More articles by David Friedman

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