January 1, 2005 | Issue 17

United Nations Blames Jews for Tsunami

NEW YORK, NY — [TheKnish.com] The United Nations unanimously voted for a resolution condemning Jews for the deadly tsunamis in South Asia. This is a major change in the way the UN works as previous resolutions focused on Israel and not on Jews in general.

An anonymous UN official explained to TheKnish.com that they are “Undergoing a bureaucratic reshuffling and have decided to be more straightforward with our wording. All of our previous resolutions were anti-Semitic but were disguised as anti-Zionist. With the open anti-Semitism in Europe and the Arab world these days, we no longer see a reason to disguise these resolutions.”

The resolution establishes irrefutable evidence that Jews were responsible for the tsunami. Among the reasons are:

  • Although hundreds of Jews were victims of the tsunami, many millions of Jews around the world happened not to be on the South Asian coast at the time. This could not be a mere coincidence.

  • The Jewish victims were actually undercover Mossad agents and are just pretending to be dead.

  • The Jews conveniently waited until after Chanukah to create the tsunami during the holiday season of other religions. For Christians, it was Christmas. For Muslims, it was in the middle of a jihad. Even the African victims were targets on Kwanzaa. This backfired for the Jews since the Africans never heard of Kwanzaa as it is just a made up holiday.

  • The tsunami was caused by a corpulent chasid who jumped into the Indian Ocean in full dress.

  • Jews control the world. Naturally, they have control of Earth's tectonic plates as well.

Writer

Pencil David Friedman is busy removing his fake beard after returning from his diving expedition.


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