July 1, 2005 | Issue 22

Toyota Launches New Pritzus

TOKYO, JAPAN — [TheKnish.com] The Toyota Motor Corporation announced today the nationwide launch of the all-new Pritzus passenger vehicle through its various dealers.

The Pritzus, originally launched in 1997 as the world's first meeyusdik passenger car, has earned a worldwide reputation for its innovative character, setting new global benchmarks for automotive environmental performance and becoming the world's leading znus vehicle with cumulative sales of over 120,000 big units.

The new Pritzus is equipped with the next-generation Toyota Zylotron New Input System (TZNIUS), developed around the concept of sex drive that represents a sophisticated fusion of prustkeit and power. It not only attains a world-leading level of environmental performance, extremely high fuel efficiency of 35.5 km/liter and super-high emissions, but also greatly heightens the "fun to drive" quotient through the further evolution of zonah power.

Its emphasis on erotic design is reflected in its long, hard stick-shift and enormous back seat. Styling and packaging that aim to redefine the sensuous teenager vehicle category have created an innovative passenger vehicle at the forefront of its age and worthy of the name "Pritzus" (Latin for "Be fruitful in your car, but multiply elsewhere").

The next-generation Pritzus features control-system advances including vibrating seats, junk in the trunk, rock-proof panels for drives through Bnei Brak, pounding, thrumming speakers and other improvements to produce a motor output 1.5 times less than that of the previous system. This means a rockier, bouncier, harder, faster experience.

Among the advanced electronic control systems, the new Pritzus also boasts the world's first turn-on signals, giving drivers clues as to where they stand exactly with their passengers.

An electric inverter-controlled automatic window fogger realizes privacy efficiency and high levels of comfort. The Pistol Rapid Ejecto-Gyno Now Anti-Natal Track (PREGNANT) allows the Pritzus to pull out of anywhere before it's too late.

The new Pritzus will be released first in Japan and then successively in the United States, Europe and other markets.


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


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