December 1, 2003 | Issue 7

"They" Are Finally Revealed

article pic DENVER, CO — [] In a stunning development, "They" have finally been revealed. As the source of incredible amounts of information, sometimes true and sometimes not, "They" are considered the experts in almost all fields. Comments like "They say to do this," and, "They say that's not good for you," are finally able to have the noun to go with the pronoun.

"They" are a couple in their early 60's and were revealed to live in Denver, Colorado. Sam and Erma Goldstein officially confirmed that they are "They." The Goldsteins were discovered when a reporter illegally obtained and opened classified records stating that "They" had retired and moved to Denver.

"We enjoyed being "They"," Erma Goldstein said, "But the pressure of always knowing so much gossip was crazy. We just needed a break from "Them"." When asked to reveal who "Them" were, "They" quickly backpedaled and denied knowing the existence of "Them."

Even though "They" have been revealed, "They" will continue to enlighten "The Rest of Us." "The Rest of Us" are very relieved since so much information is revealed by "They" and "Them." At press time reporters were still unable to locate "Someone else," "Anyone" and "Not Me."


Pencil Chaim Y got the ball rolling, so you owe him big. He co-founded the with Martin Bodek, a day which will forever live in famy. His hobbies include gum-chewing, bubblewrap-popping, and comparing chometz horror stories. He lives in a city with people.


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