September 1, 2003 | Issue 4 Hires Imaginary Staff

BROOKWOOD, NEW JORKSEY — [] In order to pass themselves off as a burgeoning enterprise, the founders of have hired three more imaginary staff members. The additions will expand the crew to 17, which includes 2 founders, 1 webmaster and 14 imaginary employees.

Sarah Schwartz will begin work as a photographer for TheKnish. In reality (no pun intended), the founders will continue scouring the web for silly pictures they can put captions on. The founders will then claim that Sara took the award-winning pictures with her partner, Eli Englard.

David Mehler begins work as weather forecast picture finder. This task is so menial that no real-life human could be hired for the job. Mr. Bodek and Mr. Y are just too embarrassed to admit that they're wasting time at work scouring for pictures of people enduring weather conditions. Mr. Mehler was created to take the blame for their slacker behavior.

Benny Efram will be assigned to create TPS reports. A secretary will soon be hired to assist him in making sure readers understand inside jokes like the one in the last sentence.


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded, and writes books from 5-9:


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Deep Quote

"Behind every successful ba'al habos is a surprised aishes chayil." --Maryon Pearson

Did You Know?

Tzitzis can be used as a handy flotation device in case of emergencies. Just wave it in the air until someone throws you a lifesaver.


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