September 1, 2003 | Issue 4

Smurfette's Engagement Creates Shidduch Crisis

article pic SMURFESDORF, ENGLAND — [] The little Smurf village is overcome with joy and sadness, a result of good news and bad news. The good news is that Smurfette is finally engaged. The bad news is that her engagement means there are no female Smurfs available for the 2,543 other bachelors left in the village.

Smurfbreeding has contributed to a limited and mutated genetic pool. Smurfette remains the only female of her generation. Smurfientists predict that her union with Hocker Smurf will further produce nothing but males.

To address this bachelor crisis, some Smurfs are holding out hope that Hocker Smurf will prove himself undeserving of Smurfette, leading the way for another Smurf to prove himself a better suitor. Other Smurfs have petitioned Smurfette to donate some of her cells so that she can be cloned. Still other Smurfs have taken it straight to Smurfeme Court demanding a repeal of polygamy laws.

Not only is Smurfette the only female in the village, but she's quite a catch, and very low maintenance. She's got an endless supply of white snoods and a 0.00000000001 carat diamond ring (14 cents in human dollars) fits her finger just fine.

None of the Smurf's comments are available on the issue because all of their verbs, nouns, adjectives, pronouns and prepositions are variants of the word "Smurf" and Knish reporters had absolutely no idea what the Smurf they were talking about.


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded, and writes books from 5-9:


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Deep Quote

"Biya means living together." --Your 4th year beis medrish Rebbe

Did You Know?

Talking during chazaras hashatz is forbidden. No, really!


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