September 1, 2003 | Issue 4

Smurfette's Engagement Creates Shidduch Crisis

article pic SMURFESDORF, ENGLAND — [TheKnish.com] The little Smurf village is overcome with joy and sadness, a result of good news and bad news. The good news is that Smurfette is finally engaged. The bad news is that her engagement means there are no female Smurfs available for the 2,543 other bachelors left in the village.

Smurfbreeding has contributed to a limited and mutated genetic pool. Smurfette remains the only female of her generation. Smurfientists predict that her union with Hocker Smurf will further produce nothing but males.

To address this bachelor crisis, some Smurfs are holding out hope that Hocker Smurf will prove himself undeserving of Smurfette, leading the way for another Smurf to prove himself a better suitor. Other Smurfs have petitioned Smurfette to donate some of her cells so that she can be cloned. Still other Smurfs have taken it straight to Smurfeme Court demanding a repeal of polygamy laws.

Not only is Smurfette the only female in the village, but she's quite a catch, and very low maintenance. She's got an endless supply of white snoods and a 0.00000000001 carat diamond ring (14 cents in human dollars) fits her finger just fine.

None of the Smurf's comments are available on the issue because all of their verbs, nouns, adjectives, pronouns and prepositions are variants of the word "Smurf" and Knish reporters had absolutely no idea what the Smurf they were talking about.

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


0 Comments

Commenting is disabled

search Search The Knish:


tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Martin Bodek More by Martin Bodek

cloud1

Also In Issue 4

Random Stories

cloud2

Deep Quote

"I don't get it." --my friend Chaim, every issue

Weather Forecast

weather Hot Like the Rebbe!

cloud3

Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.