Shabbos Robes Declared Shatnez; Men Rejoice

BORO PARK, BROOKLYN — [TheKnish.com] Jewish men everywhere are rejoicing over the Chumradika Rav's new ban. This ban comes on the heels of his successfully banning wigs for women, water for New Yorkers and Shabbos carrying for Brooklynites.

The new ruling declares that those ugly, shimmering, floordragging, dirt-expensive robes women wear on Shabbos are all composed of shatnez.

While women were thrown into a turmoil by the ruling, men rejoiced.

"Oh boohoo. They can't wear those fugly burkas anymore?" said Avi Israeli. "Maybe now they'll actually wear, ya know, CLOTHING on Shabbos."

For years, women have worn the robes as an exclusive Shabbos staple. When the Boro Park Eruv was ratified, the women were suddenly in the streets with robes that shimmered brighter than Xenon headlights, blinding many shul-going men.

The organization of BOMB (Blinded Orthodox Men in Boro Park) contacted the Chumradika Rav and demanded that he find a loophole to ban the monstrosities. Last week's ruling declaring the robes shatnez is slowly returning the vision and sanity of the Shabbos pedestrians.

"MAN those things were ugly," says Israel Avieli, "I am SO happy to have my vision back. I can now walk the streets in peace."

The men's euphoria is contrasted by the dissatisfaction of the women. Shira Helfgott, CEO of BURN (Boro Park Ugly Robe Network) threatened that her followers may protest by gallavanting naked through the streets of Boro Park on Shabbos. "They don't want us to wear the only Shabbos clothing available?" she asked. "Fine, they're gonna regret what they wished for."

Writer

Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves Halva, co-founded TheKnish.com and wrote a book!: Bush II, Book I, which you must buy, or else we'll take another year to release another issue!

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