June 1, 2004 | Issue 12

Shabbos Robes Declared Shatnez; Men Rejoice

BORO PARK, BROOKLYN — [TheKnish.com] Jewish men everywhere are rejoicing over the Chumradika Rav's new ban. This ban comes on the heels of his successfully banning wigs for women, water for New Yorkers and Shabbos carrying for Brooklynites.

The new ruling declares that those ugly, shimmering, floordragging, dirt-expensive robes women wear on Shabbos are all composed of shatnez.

While women were thrown into a turmoil by the ruling, men rejoiced.

"Oh boohoo. They can't wear those fugly burkas anymore?" said Avi Israeli. "Maybe now they'll actually wear, ya know, CLOTHING on Shabbos."

For years, women have worn the robes as an exclusive Shabbos staple. When the Boro Park Eruv was ratified, the women were suddenly in the streets with robes that shimmered brighter than Xenon headlights, blinding many shul-going men.

The organization of BOMB (Blinded Orthodox Men in Boro Park) contacted the Chumradika Rav and demanded that he find a loophole to ban the monstrosities. Last week's ruling declaring the robes shatnez is slowly returning the vision and sanity of the Shabbos pedestrians.

"MAN those things were ugly," says Israel Avieli, "I am SO happy to have my vision back. I can now walk the streets in peace."

The men's euphoria is contrasted by the dissatisfaction of the women. Shira Helfgott, CEO of BURN (Boro Park Ugly Robe Network) threatened that her followers may protest by gallavanting naked through the streets of Boro Park on Shabbos. "They don't want us to wear the only Shabbos clothing available?" she asked. "Fine, they're gonna regret what they wished for."


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


Commenting is disabled

search Search The Knish:

tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Martin Bodek More by Martin Bodek


Also In Issue 12

Random Stories


Deep Quote

"So can you roll over your 18 minutes into the following week if you don't use them?" --Verizon Wireless salesman to Chabadnick

Knish Personals

Lonely Lakewood bochur seeks chavrusah for "night seder." Let's shteig away in Meseches Beitza. Call (917) 555-2542.


Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.