October 1, 2003 | Issue 5

Report: Jews Really Do Rule The World

HOLLYWOOD, CA — [TheKnish.com] It has been confirmed by TheKnish.com sources that Jews indeed do rule the world, validating the suspicions of billions of earthlings who already knew that anyway.

The door was blown open on this blockbuster when Knish reporters obtained secret information and passwords from the detainees at Guantanamo Bay. The information led them to the base of the "D" in the "HOLLYWOOD" sign. Underneath was a large cave with various tunnels. After studying treasure maps provided by the Gitmo prisoners, the team made their way to a big door and spoke the password: "Oy, my bunions, how they HURT from shlepping through this cave so much, you shouldn't know from this."

The door opened immediately and Knish reporters were welcomed by Aaron Weiss, Chief Minister of Satellite-based Mind Control for Jewish World Domination, Inc. Mr. Weiss led the reporters through the cavernous mazes underneath the HOLLYWOOD sign. It was learned that the base of each letter housed several departments committed to specific operations.

Under the "H" was a committee assigned to influence U.S. political decisions and elections. When the department arranged the suspension of alternate side parking for Purim in New York, the head of the department, Shimon Rosenblatt, received Employee of the Month.

The base of the "Y" housed the department responsible for influencing female pop-stars to adopt the teachings of Kabbalah.

The Confusion Department is placed under the "W," where employees were responsible for making sure the public at large would continue to vacillate between thinking that Jews rule the world, but would convince you that they don't, and that Jews DON'T rule the world, but would have you believe that they do.

This article may or may not be a product of their work.

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


0 Comments

Commenting is disabled

search Search The Knish:


tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Martin Bodek More by Martin Bodek

cloud1

Also In Issue 5

Random Stories

cloud2

Deep Quote

"Biya means living together." --Your 4th year beis medrish Rebbe

On This Day

On April 27, 1151, nothing bad happened to the Jews. Just kidding, of course something bad happened.

cloud3

Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.