October 1, 2003 | Issue 5

Rappers Sampling Badchonim's Lyrics

WILLIAMSBURG, BROOKLYN — [TheKnish.com] Strange sights have become commonplace at Chasidic Mitzvah Tantzes, but nothing like rappers showing up to sample the creative lyrics of talented Badchonim.

"A trend that began in the summer of 2002 has become all the rage," says Eminem, the most famous rapper to appear at a Mitzvah Tantz. "Badchonim like Rav Velvel Lopian have long been master purveyors of social commentary."

Knish reporters wrote down Eminem's comments word for word, as this was the most comprehensive sentence ever spoken by a rapper in the hip-hop age.

"Knowhamsayin'?" He finished.

Local Detroit rapper MCMC says, "Yo dog, V. Lo is droppin' bombs in the hizzouse, kid. Damn, he stupid fly when he gets bizzle at the Mitzle Tizzle."

Knish reporters ran the statement through a Snoop Doggy Dogg Ebonics Translator and found that what MCMC meant to say in common speech was, "Ms. Reporter, Rav Velvel Lopian is a master freestyle poet, ma'am, and much talented in his performances during Mitzvah Tantzes."

The likes of Jay-Z, 50 Cent, and Missy Elliot have been noted to have shown up at wedding halls like V'Yoel Moshe and Ateres Avrohom to witness and take detailed notes during performances by such noted Badchonim as Ice Mac T. (Yitzchok Mechel Tennenbaum), Dollar Fifty (Dovid Fishbaum) and Dr. Dre-Kup (Rav Shimon Dreier).

The celebrants don't seem to mind their appearances, taking it all in stride.

"We are not minding that they are coming to our Simchas." Says Abraham Isaac, spokesman for the Chasidic community. "They are showing that they are respected to our talented badchonim by coming and to learning from their performancing, plus we get nice royalty checks, so everyone is very happy."

Run through the Snoop Translator in reverse, in Ebonics this would be, "For shizzle, yo, they can bounce at our cribs, but they be hoppin' props to our stylin'. They groms is da bombs, dog, plus the Benjamins is dope, iss all good."

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


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