September 29, 2016 | Issue 32

Rabbis Master Baiting Kiki Riki Buyers

BNEI BRAK, ISRAEL — [] In the neverending quest to ban more and more items from everyday usage for all its constituents, particularly non-males, a group of preeminent Rabbis in Bnei Brak has declared Kiki Riki, the popular shell option for approximately 100% (margin of error: ~3%) of the opposite-male Jewish population.

"These Kiki Riki shells are extremely provocative," says Shloimahzalman Rosenwasser, head of the group he founded called Justifiably Excising Riki Kiki Sartoriality (J.E.R.K.S). "They could cause some men to lose mastery of their domain, if you know what I mean."

When reporting staff advised that they didn't know what was meant, Rosenwasser became more explicit.

"The way these items of clothing contour the shapes of the not-men people, it could cause some of the men people to lose their status as king of the county."

Reporters on scene could not yet decipher Mr. Rosenwasser's meaning, and a deputy, Booruchaim Zonnenfeld was called in to explain.

"It's like this," said Zonnenfeld, "if we allow aren't-men to wear these items, which carefully address the comely shapes of the anti-men folk, it could lead to losing Lordship of the manor."

Utterly confused, reporters pressed on, asking for better information on the proposed ban.

"Okay, look, our queens of the castle shoulnd't be allowed to wear these things because if one looks upon them..." Zonnenfeld said before excusing himself to the bathroom.

"OKay, that's it. I'm out of the contest." He said upon his return.


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded, and writes books from 5-9:


Post a comment

search Search The Knish:

tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Martin Bodek More by Martin Bodek


Also In Issue 32

Random Stories


Did You Know?

The sky is blue to remind you of techeiles, which is to remind you of I forget what.

Knish Horoscope

Ari/Leo: You'll be the tzenter in shul. For best results, offer to daven for the amud.


Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.