April 1, 2005 | Issue 20

Psak Attack Postponed Until Slower News Week

article pic BROOKLYN, NY — [TheKnish.com] Thousands of poskim who have swarmed off the coast of Brooklyn in recent days went back to where they came from today, postponing a long-planned psak attack until a slower news week.

Guy Indrerd, a spokesperson for the poskim, said that the bearded predators aborted their attack at the last moment when they realized that they were unlikely to receive the level of media attention they usually garner for their halachic rampages.

“With the number of high-profile deaths and state funerals this week, plus Michael Jackson’s former maid testifying, it became obvious that the poskim just weren’t going to get the airtime they’re accustomed to,” Mr. Indrerd said. “We all decided it would be better to try again in the middle of August when there is dreck going on.”

Mr. Indrerd, who was retained by the poskim last summer to help reposition their media strategy, said that convincing his clients to put their attack on hold was no easy feat.

“They want to attack whenever they smell kulas, regardless of whether they’re going to get on to the front page of the New York Times,” Mr. Indrerd said. “What can I tell you? They’re poskim.”

But the poskims’ spokesperson said that after lengthy discussions, the poskim agreed that the timing for such an attack, which had been meticulously planned for months, was no longer advantageous.“I told them quite bluntly, if Prince Charles can postpone his wedding I think you can move your little psak attack,” said Mr. Indrerd.

Elsewhere, two companies announced plans for devices that would enable TV viewers to change channels with voice commands, hoping to cash in on America’s burgeoning market of immobile lazy pigs. This association has already made the device assur, according to poskim, since pigs are chazer treif."

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


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