January 1, 2005 | Issue 17

Police Uncover Chain of S and M Clubs in Brooklyn

BROOKLYN, NY — [TheKnish.com] The NYPD announced today the shocking discovery of a chain of illicit sadomasochism (S&M) clubs located throughout the borough of Brooklyn. Government sources tell TheKnish.com that the clubs are male dominated, and cater to fetishists of all ages. “We received a tip that these groups were meeting every morning to perform their deviant rituals,” the sources said. City Hall has begun describing the clubs as, “Covens of bearded, deviant warlocks dressed in black,” and has called in psychologists and sociologists to diagnose the phenomenon.

According to the sources, male club members gather and tightly wrap themselves with black leather tethers and participate in cultic rituals that included chanting, swaying and bowing. Details are currently sketchy, but it appears that club members bind one arm, typically the left, in the black tethers and use similar sadomasochistic accoutrement on their heads. “Some wrapped themselves so tightly, they cut off their blood supply and left red whip-like welts on their arms.” said the source. Many also wrap themselves in ghostly shawls frayed on each corner. A number also secure black fetters around their midriffs.

Noticeably lacking in the first waves of arrests are women. “Women were barely present in the covens. We did find a few, hiding behind Japanese-style partitions, or located on different floors of the coven, in what appeared to be ‘observer decks’” sources say. The sources noted that none of the women were tied with the leather tethers, though a number were observed with their foreheads tightly constricted by either kerchiefs or wigs.

The clubs themselves were located in a variety of facilities, including: large, well kept social clubs, first floors and basements of small row houses and several private schools. Social Services and other city agencies are currently involved in the investigation of the school based activities.

Dr. Gerald Stoner, a sociologist with the National Council on Cults and Devil Worship, describes these clubs as centers for sadomasochistic sexual deviance. “Similar clubs have been well documented around the world. They exist in many countries, and, frankly, represent a challenge to accepted social order.” Dr. Stoner also pointed out that the clubs are rumored to feature the occasional mutilation of the genitals of young boys.

But according to Doctor Francois Kelly, a psychologist at The Burton Institute For The Study Of Human Behavior, such clubs should not be viewed as a cause for alarm. “I view such gatherings as within the broad spectrum of accepted sexual variation. In today’s world, we have already grown to accept male homosexuality, lesbianism and witchcraft as alternative, though normative, modes of behavior. Mass gatherings of men bound in black leather paraphernalia should be seen in the same light, as long as no one gets hurt.”

Already, government figures, media analysts and common citizens are speculating about what such deviant behavior tells us about modern society. Duane Robinson, the Mayor’s Special Advisor on Criminal Affairs, offered his opinion. “Such radical behavior is just one more extreme outcome of the breakdown of the role of the family in society. Clearly, participants in groups such as these lack any sort of structured family home life. It’s sad, actually.”

At press time, there were no formal statements by any of the arrested cult members, but the WOLF-TV network this morning captured an arrest scene from one coven in Williamsburg. One cult member was heard screaming strange words transcribed as "Ich hub nuch nisht ge-endigt davenen" at the camera. Linguists have been called in by the government to help translate what some describe as a “Teutonic-sounding” language.


Pencil Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein is a part time freelance journalist and the full time Rosheshiva (dean) of Yeshiva Chipass Emmess. He is considered to be one of the Lamud-Vav Tzadikay Olam (36 righteous individuals of the world) along with Rabbi Gershoin Shprinklehoffer, Chacham Ihaveya Monee, Deepak Chopra, and Eminem. He may be reached through his Yeshiva's website at http://www.geocities.com/npoj8/.


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