May 1, 2004 | Issue 11

Palestinian Militants Protest America's Illegal Occupation of Mars

WEST BANK, MARS — [TheKnish.com] America's invasion of disputed Palestinian territory on Mars has been met with stiff resistance from militant groups in the area. A Marstifada was declared and violence has reigned in the region for several months.

Hamars took credit for the destruction of the NASA Polar Lander by claiming that, "Americans are infidels and their little rolling robot thingies must die."

Marzbollah claimed responsibility for destroying Britain's Beagle II mission, claiming that, "Great Britain and its American ally are attempting to illegally occupy our territory, which is sandy, as you can see, which is much like our land, it is ours, we have been there for thousands of years and they must die."

Marslamic Jihad reveled in the elimination of the Mars Global Surveyor, boasting that, "The infidels attempted to take pictures of the face on Mars, which is the face of Allah, who is most high and mighty and exalted and supreme and - hey Ahmed, hand me the Thesaurus."

The Al-Aqsa Marstyrs Brigade has taken to bombing landing spots for rolling explorers, hampering surveyors such as Spirit and Opportunity from crawling out of the craters and rolling too far.

The Mars Liberation Organization (MLO) promises that the bombing of Mars will continue until either the infidels leave or all the little rolling robots are shoved into the sea.

When reporters pointed out that there was no sea, the MLO responded by saying, "Huh? What the hell? Eh forget it, let's go back home, it's no fun here."

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


0 Comments

Commenting is disabled

search Search The Knish:


tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Martin Bodek More by Martin Bodek

cloud1

Also In Issue 11

Random Stories

cloud2

Knish Personals

Litvish lady looking to date chassidish man. Be there with Belz on!

Did You Know?

Tzitzis can be used as a handy flotation device in case of emergencies. Just wave it in the air until someone throws you a lifesaver.

cloud3

Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.