January 1, 2005 | Issue 17

Overfishing Places Gefilte on Endangered Species List

article pic LAKEWOOD, NJ — [TheKnish.com] The Jewish community faces an unprecedented crisis in its history. The gefilte fish, a delicacy enjoyed by Jews worldwide, is facing extinction.

Conservationists point to overfishing as the primary cause. For millenia, the gefilte has escaped capture by employing several fascinating natural defenses. Among them are lack of a mouth, which thwarts fishing hooks, and a natural slime (called "zaft") which allows it to wriggle free from its natural predators.

A new fishing method, developed by fishermen frustrated with their limited daily catch and desperate to comply with consumer demand, brought gefiltes up from rivers in droves, endangering their survival. Hooks are nearly useless against the gefilte, so the method involved lowering a weighted pooper scooper to the bottom of freshwater lakes and dredging across them. Gefiltes then burst fishing vessels at the seams.

While consumers are certainly interested in the gefilte's preservation as a culinary delight, scientists have championed the gefilte's cause as well. Their interest is not just the preservation of the food chain, but rather the mystery that has baffled them for eternity. Science has never successfully explained the purple grated horseradish that is attached to most gefiltes. They have long conjectured as to its relevance, often in contradictory fashion. Some say the purple stuff is a natural parasite, while others assume it may share some form of significant symbiotic relationship with the gefilte.

When asked for comment, Mrs. Adler appeared pretty calm concerning the situation saying, "No big whoop, we'll just grind up pieces of assorted cheap fish, mold them into pickle shapes, slime them up and stuff them into jars. Nobody will know the difference."

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


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