New Fruit Hits Supermarket Shelves
UPPER WEST SIDE, NEW YORK — [TheKnish.com] Tzvi Fillin, owner of T'Fillin Farms, has done it again. Already known for its excellent organic fruits, T'Fillin Farms has upped the ante with the release of their unique, signature fruit: the T'Fillin date. New advances in breeding have made this hybrid possible. As with all such hybrids, despite being seedy, the T'Fillin date is sterile and offspring is a rarity. Fitting with their status as a delicacy, T'Fillin dates are only available in single serve packaging, no family packs.
Tzvi was unwilling to divulge the details of how the dates are made, saying it's a big secret. The difference between a T'Fillin date and a plain date comes from the flavored center. This feature makes for a flavor burst in the last bite, a real juicy squirt in the mouth. Tzvi credits his first time experiencing this orgasmic experience with inspiring the new product's slogan, "T'Fillin date: The date with the happy ending."
Opinions on the T'Fillin date have been generally positive. "It's a bit bittersweet," said one Upper West Side resident who's tried a few, "but I was tired of the same old dates, so this is a nice change of pace. I'm glad that they didn't cross it with a peach. The fuzz gets stuck in my teeth." Another UWS-er (it seems to be especially popular there) emailed TheKnish.com, writing how tired he was of blueberries. "The T'Fillin date offers such relief."
The kashrut status of T'Fillin dates is still somewhat questionable. Rabbi Groise Medakdek, a mashgiach questioned about it by TheKnish.com said, "There's something not quite kosher about it. No, not kelayim, something else. Bugs, maybe?" (Fortunately, the latter is not a problem because the T'Fillin dates are fully immersed before going out.) Another halachic question is what brocha to make on it, with shehechiyanu being recommended for the first time someone has a T'Fillin date. Rabbi Medakdek disagreed, saying that a boray pri ha'eitz is all that's necessary, reasoning that, "It's no different than popping a cherry."
Mordy Ovits did standup once. They laughed at him. They all laughed at him. You can email your laughter to him at email@example.com.
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