Mendel The Mouse Commits Suicide
UNDER KITCHEN SINK, KITCHEN — [TheKnish.com] Shocking family and friends Mendel the Mouse was found dead in an apparent suicide. His friend, Dov Ber, discovered the body entangled in a mousetrap. Foul play was ruled out due to a suicide note found at the scene.
Friends say that Mendel was distraught lately, due to Olomeinu refusing to bring back his stories. "It hit him very hard when Olomeinu stopped printing his stories in the 1980's", his friend, Shloime, explained, "and when his agent called to tell him they might put it back in he got all excited. Two weeks ago he found out they weren't going ahead with it and he became extremely down."
According to sources he had purchased the mousetrap a week earlier. Friends thought it was strange, but they thought he was just going through a phase.
Mickey Mouse, whom he had befriended years before, could not be reached for comment but released a statement through his spokesman. "Mendel the Mouse will be missed by all who knew him. He was there for me after my divorce from Minnie and he was always one I could rely on for comfort. Although I'm a Lutheran, we would always have nice discussions on the beauty of Judaism, Lubavitch and Cholov Yisroel."
Mendel was buried during a quiet ceremony in a shoebox in the backyard. In attendance were other members of the famous Mouse family, including Feivel and Mighty.
Police didn't release the contents of the suicide note, but sources tell TheKnish.com that it explained the source of his depression. He couldn't take the fact that he wasn't second to none anymore. Years of being told that he was second to none got to his head and he couldn't live up to the expectations it created. His ego became too big for him to handle.
In another twist, friends and family were horrified to discover that the cheese he used in the mousetrap wasn't Cholov Yisroel. Dov Ber remarked, "I guess he wanted to prove when it comes to suicide Mendel the Mouse was second to none."
Chaim Y got the ball rolling, so you owe him big. He co-founded the TheKnish.com with Martin Bodek, a day which will forever live in famy. His hobbies include gum-chewing, bubblewrap-popping, and comparing chometz horror stories. He lives in a city with people.
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