December 1, 2005 | Issue 24

Lakewood Issues Piggy Ban for Piggy Bank

article pic LAKEWOOD, NEW JERSEY — [] Lakewood banks are banning piggy banks because they may offend some Jews.

Lakewood Mutual and Bank of Lakewood have led the move to scrap the time-honored symbol of saving from being given to children or used in their advertising, the Daily Stringency reported today.

Jews do not eat pork, as Jewish culture deems the pig to be an impure animal.

Moshe Iggy Mitora, secretary of the Lakewood Organization Of Nonsense Yiddishkeit (LOONY), backed the bank move.

"This is a sensitive issue and I think the banks are simply being courteous to their customers," he said.

However, the move brought accusations of political correctness gone mad from critics.

"The next thing we will be banning Piglet and Miss Piggy and the Three Little Pigs and Porky Pig and Petunia Pig and Hampton J. Pig and Arnold and Wilbur and Babe and Pumbaa, and hey, anyone have any other children's piggy characters for my soundbite?" the token non-chareidi guy in Lakewood, Joey West, said.

"We've already banned them all, heh heh," replied Mitora.

Isidore Feldstein, a Lakewood cashier recently put in Cheirim for placing money directly into a female's hands, also criticized the piggy bank ban.

"We live in a multicultural society and the traditions and symbols of one community should not be obliterated just to accommodate another," Mr. Feldstein said. "I doubt many Jews would be seriously offended by piggy banks. By Miss Piggy maybe, she dresses like a harlot and copulates with amphibians."


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded, and writes books from 5-9:


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