Kid Rock Poncho Required Tzitzis: Beis Din

HOUSTON, TEXAS — [TheKnish.com] A Beis Din in Houston reviewed a taping of this year's Super Bowl in search of violations of biblical commandments. Several were found, but the most glaring of all was Kid Rock's American flag poncho, which the Beis Din declared required tzitzis because it was a four-cornered garment.

"As you can clearly see on the tape, not only does the beged not have tzitzis, but he's traveling more than four amos as he dances and prances onstage," said Avsholom Mivorach, head of the Houston Beis Din.

A Kid Rock spokesman replied by stating that it was half-time, which was way after shkiah, hence Kid Rock wasn't michuyiv to wear tzitzis.

Mr. Mivorach countered by stating that it's generally accepted to wear tzitzis, whether it's night or day.

The Kid Rock spokesman said, "The Beis Din should be pleased that Kid Rock was covering his head out of respect for the Jews in the stands. Kid Rock is not so frum, so he's not aware of all the Tzitzis halachos, but he promises to look into it."

Having laid the Kid Rock tzitzis matter to rest, the Beis Din focused on paskining other matters, such as whether Justin Timberlake turned Janet Jackson into a zonah when it’s possible she was already a zonah beforehand and if the thousands of Jews who used TiVo to replay the znus were oiver "V'loi sasuru".

Writer

Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves Halva, co-founded TheKnish.com and wrote a book!: Bush II, Book I, which you must buy, or else we'll take another year to release another issue!

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