April 1, 2004 | Issue 10

Jews Interested in Controlling Mars

NEW MARS CITY, NEW MARS — [TheKnish.com] Now that the Jewish controlled exploration of Mars has been proven a smashing success Jews the world over have declared interest in controlling Mars.

"We've done a bangup job here on earth," says Bagelson Lox, who controls the weather on Earth, "But we'd like to see what else we can do on other planets."

Other Jews second the notion. Matt Soball, who controls the Internet, says, "Gaining control of the moon was our last extraterrestrial takeover, as was controlling tides. That was fun, but Mars seems like a great venture for us."

Another more controversial proposal has come forth in the wake of Jewish interest in Mars. Gefil Tefish, head of Jewish Control, Inc., proposes that Jews give up control of Earth to focus on control and development of Mars, but he has few followers because Jews don't intend to relinquish control of Earth in the foreseeable future.


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


Commenting is disabled

search Search The Knish:

tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Martin Bodek More by Martin Bodek


Also In Issue 10

Random Stories


Knish Personals

Shiksa goddess looking for Jewish husband. The circumcised thing in your pants better not be your wallet. Call (212) 555-3472.

On This Day

On April 27, 1424, nothing bad happened to the Jews. Just kidding, of course something bad happened.


Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.