April 1, 2004 | Issue 10

Jews Interested in Controlling Mars

NEW MARS CITY, NEW MARS — [TheKnish.com] Now that the Jewish controlled exploration of Mars has been proven a smashing success Jews the world over have declared interest in controlling Mars.

"We've done a bangup job here on earth," says Bagelson Lox, who controls the weather on Earth, "But we'd like to see what else we can do on other planets."

Other Jews second the notion. Matt Soball, who controls the Internet, says, "Gaining control of the moon was our last extraterrestrial takeover, as was controlling tides. That was fun, but Mars seems like a great venture for us."

Another more controversial proposal has come forth in the wake of Jewish interest in Mars. Gefil Tefish, head of Jewish Control, Inc., proposes that Jews give up control of Earth to focus on control and development of Mars, but he has few followers because Jews don't intend to relinquish control of Earth in the foreseeable future.

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, run marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves Halva, and co-founded TheKnish.com.


0 Comments

Commenting is disabled

search Search The Knish:


tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Martin Bodek More by Martin Bodek

cloud1

Also In Issue 10

Random Stories

cloud2

Knish Personals

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.

Knish Horoscope

Ari/Leo: You'll be the tzenter in shul. For best results, offer to daven for the amud.

cloud3

Don't yell Challah Don't Yell Challah in a Crowded Matzah Bakery!: The Book of Kosher L'Pesach Humor & Stress Relief by Mordechai Schmutter will ease those frazzled nerves before, during, and after the hectic Pesach season. Buy two copies so you can keep one Pesachdik.