November 1, 2003 | Issue 6

Iraqi Rabbi Gets Upsherin

article pic TIKRIT, IRAQ — [] On Thursday American soldiers finally captured Iraqi Rabbi, Sadya Chusseinowitz. He was wanted in connection to his refusal to get an upsherin. Iraqi Civil Administrator, Paul Bremer, triumphantly declared to reporters, "We got him, now we cut him."

According to the Sunnishe minhag the time for an upsherin is at 67 years old. The problem for the 66-year-old rabbi is that the Shiiteshe minhag is to have the upsherin at 66 years old. Since one is supposed to follow the custom of the people in one's area, and most Iraqis are Shiites, he was obligated to do it this year.

After repeated attempts to peacefully end this stalemate, U.S. President Bush decided that enough was enough and the time for action was now. In November he said, "The minhagim of the Shiites have been trampled on for long enough. It's mamesh a chutzpah, and a bizoyon that he defies international law and refuses to follow the Shiiteshe minhag. Rabbi Chusseinowitz is in violation of numerous UN resolutions and the time to act is now!"

Rabbi Chusseinowitz was in hiding this whole time until he was finally caught in an empty mikvah. Apparently, he was trying to do tshuvah. He announced that he became a nazir when the American soldiers apprehended him.


Pencil Chaim Y got the ball rolling, so you owe him big. He co-founded the with Martin Bodek, a day which will forever live in famy. His hobbies include gum-chewing, bubblewrap-popping, and comparing chometz horror stories. He lives in a city with people.


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