Holy Sheet! Hits the Spot
BORO PARK, BROOKLYN — [TheKnish.com] A new product is tearing up the market. Holy Sheet! was introduced just two weeks ago, but it's already shredding the competition. It's a bedsheet with The Hole precut into it.
Kayla Sheenstein, the inventor, said about her up and coming product, "It's such a patchke (hassle) to make them myself. I can never get the hole to be a perfect circle. I figured that I'm not the only one frustrated by it." Her mail-order business has been a rip-roaring success, with business quickly getting off the ground.
Some discreet inquiries by TheKnish.com backed up her claims. "It's perfect for both positions," said Chayka Cohen, a satisfied customer. Shifra Polonowitz thought it was, "A real timesaver. Now I don't have to spend 20 minutes for 5 minutes."
At the behest of the Chumradika Rabbi, who paskened (ruled) that the sheet qualifies as a beged (garmet) for the man, the sheet has tzitzit (knotted fringes) on its four corners. From the rumors that reached this reporter's ears, the frisky tassels are being put to uses not envisioned by the illustrious rabbi.
Shipping options for the sheets are still being fleshed out. Ordering Holy Sheet! requires the buyer to specify two size options: twin, queen or king and small, medium or large. They are available in a variety of colors, but emphatically not white or red.
Mordy Ovits did standup once. They laughed at him. They all laughed at him. You can email your laughter to him at email@example.com.
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