April 1, 2004 | Issue 10

Hollywood Introduces Goy Alert System

article pic JEWISH CONTROLLED HOLLYWOOD, CA — [TheKnish.com] On Thursday Harvey Weinstein announced the creation of a new alert system that will allow Hollywood to know current risk levels of goyishness at any given time. The system will coordinate risk factors with current Los Angeles intelligence data to determine the level of risk goyim pose to modern Tinseltown as we know it.

Masterminded by yiddish-speaking Colin Powell, working in collaboration with yiddish-looking Dick Cheney and yiddish-backing President Bush, the program will assess the latest cultural trends and factor in the goy agenda, making all Hollywoodlians aware of the current status of goyishness within their borders. Also helping with the project were Jenna and Barbara Bush, the President’s twin daughters, but only that one time when they were really, really sober.

The recent success of television shows like Queer Oy for the Straight Goy, Heathen and Grace, The Shaygitz Word, and Gentile as Folk have put our current risk level at Orange Alert... "Goy vey iz mir". Miramax issued a press release warning Hollywoodlians to be suspicious of Jewish-looking people seeking to make movies in the face of this impending danger that threatens the very fabric of their survival as a species.

Also putting Hollywood at risk is the stubborn insistence of some Hollywood hotshots to uphold the LA constitution by allowing goyim to film movies across the state, despite public outcry from mostly nebby, oftentimes bespectacled, whining Jewish directors who can’t bear to see goyim take over.

Uh oh, another goy just made a movie. We are now at Red Alert..."Goy Gevalt!"


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


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