July 1, 2004 | Issue 13

Hocker Gets Honest-to-Goodness J-O-B

FLATBUSH, BROOKLYN — [TheKnish.com] In a move that stunned hockers everywhere, long time hocker Yanky Goldberg, of Flatbush, accepted a position at a Newark-based telecommunications company in their technical support department.

TheKnish.com met up with some of Goldberg’s ex-business partners last Wednesday at 2 AM and fressed at Bubbe Fraidy’s All You Can Eat Kosher Ribs in Boro Park. Shmuely Finkelstein was so shocked he could hardly finish his second helping of ribs. “Yanky and I were going to start an Internet company in ’99. We planned to sell haircuts online. There were a few kinks that needed to be worked out, so we put the plan on hold. Now that Yanky has a real job, I'm afraid the dream will go the way of my other few dozen failed ideas.” TheKnish.com wanted to ask Finkelstein whether Goldberg’s childhood could have affected his decision, but Finkelstein was too busy beeping himself with his new cell phone.

The last upheaval of the hocker world was three years ago when hocker Izzy Tanenbaum got a job as an intern in the HR department of the same company. In that situation however, the nepotism card was played, so the hocker community took to it a little more kindly.

Goldberg was assigned to Chani Elkenstein’s tech support division. “I don’t want to be oiver loshon hara, but frankly I don’t think Yanky will work out here. The other day somebody called about a phone service problem and Yanky sold him a used car. Plus he keeps demanding copies of the keys for all the utility closets at the company. I have no idea why he was hired.”

An anonymous source for the HR department called the hiring of Goldberg a “clerical error”. “Things like this have been happening since we hired the boss’s son-in-law two years ago.”

Writer

Pencil David Friedman would like to be contacted on his beeper. He has it set to vibrate.


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