Health Report: Krazel Payos Syndrome
BROOKWOOD, NEW JORKSEY — [TheKnish.com] You're shteiging in the Bais Medrash, trying to ignore the tingling or numbness in your hand and wrist that's been plaguing you for months. Suddenly when drikking out a pshat, a sharp, piercing pain shoots through your wrist and up your arm. Just passing yesurim? It's more likely that you have Krazel Payos Syndrome, a painfully progressive condition caused by compression of a key nerve in the wrist.
What is Krazel Payos Syndrome?
Krazel Payos Syndrome is enormous vaytug in the wrist area, mamesh you shouldn't know from this.
What are the symptoms of Krazel Payos Syndrome?
Symptoms usually include sudden pain when attempting to krazel one's payos. Other common symptoms are an inability to do the light bulb dance without enduring wrist agony. Common in older men is the sudden loss of the ability to stroke their long beards without wincing.
What are the causes of Krazel Payos Syndrome?
The causes of Krazel Payos Syndrome are well researched and clear: the repetitive twisting motion of krazelling one's payos causes wrist inflammations. Other contributing factors including frequenely drikking out a pshat, shukkling lulavim by employing the wrist as the fulcrum for movement and mishing pages too aggressively when searching for whatever the heck Yom Tov haftoro the Ba'al Koreh is reading.
Who is at risk of developing Krazel Payos Syndrome?
Hasidim are three times more likely than Litvaks to develop Krazel Payos Syndrome, perhaps because Litvaks use their elbows as leverage when placing payos behind their ears, rather than employing the wrist as Hasidim would when krazelling.
How is Krazel Payos Syndrome diagnosed?
Krazel Payos Syndrome is successfully diagnosed when members of the afflicted's congregation start saying, "Oy, enough with the kvetching already. Maybe you go see my son the doctor, no?"
How is Krazel Payos Syndrome treated?
Krazel Payos Syndrome is treated only by getting a bracha from a mystical Rebbe from Yerushalayim who is in New York for just 42 minutes before he goes back to the Holy Land.
How can Krazel Payos Syndrome be prevented?
It can't; it can only be treated once diagnosed. For years, researchers have tried to condition Hasidic children to krazel their payos using only their fingers or with hair curlers, but to no avail.
Where can I go for more information?
For more information about Krazel Payos Syndrome or other neuropathies of the nervous system, you may wish to contact:
Hasidic Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons (HAOS)
6300 North River Road
Rosemont, IL 60018-4262
(800) 346-HAOS (4267)
Hasidic Pain Association (HPA)
P.O. Box 850
Rocklin, CA 95677-0850
Tel: 916-632-0922 800-533-3231
Hasidic Safety & Health Administration (HSHA)
Jewish Department of Labor
200 Constitution Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20210
Tel: 800-321-OSHA (6742)
Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom
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