May 1, 2004 | Issue 11

Hat Store Accused of Wig-sider Trading

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL — [TheKnish.com] Rachel’s Hats joined the ranks of Enron and WorldCom yesterday when insider-trading accusations were leveled against the store.

A source, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said, “We have reliable information that Rachel, whose neighbor's daughter's third grade teacher's uncle's granddaughter married Rav Eliyashiv's nephew’s barber's third cousin's son, had prior knowledge of the psak, giving her ample time to stock up on hats.”

Rachel’s Hats had a net profit of over $569,000 the day the psak was announced. While the supplies of other hat stores rapidly dwindled, Rachel’s Hats was well prepared with an unusually large inventory of 500,000 hats which Rachel insists is, “our normal inventory”.

The Jerusalem Beis Din is investigating. “We take theses charges very seriously,” said Rabbi Yoel, Chief Justice of the Beis Din. “Especially since there are charges the hats had been laundered.”

Writer

Pencil We don't know who Tanya is, but she submitted this original piece to TheKnish and we liked it, so up it goes!


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"Behind every successful ba'al habos is a surprised aishes chayil." --Maryon Pearson

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Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.

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