RSS FeedsHamodia Acknowledges Existence of Women
Brooklyn, New York — [TheKnish.com] In an unexpected reversal that anthropologists worldwide are calling groundbreaking, Hamodia, for the first time since it was launched in 3760 B.C.E., openly admitted to the existence of women following the release of the OU's NEKAIVEH (Nu Efsher Kaviyoochil Az Izdoo Vomen in Eylim Hazeh) initiative this October.
The announcement has wide-ranging implications for barefootedness and pregnancy.
"Women, precious-stone based life forms, are comprised of three trillion cells like men, but completely devoid of a penis, are naturally occurring phenomena usually covered with painted film and melt if given special treatment," Hamodia Editor-in-Chief Naomi Luxembourg told a stunned press corps. "As a leading newspaper, we can no longer afford to ignore the growing consensus of so many experts whose job it is to study our society. Women are real."
Because women, which were first described by the first man Adam as beings he referred to as "serpentius helpmatus," have long been denied by Jewish print media, the Editor-in-Chief's speech was widely hailed as a victory for advocates of empirically established scientific fact.
"This has been a major step forward for biology," said longtime female proponent and eighth-grade juggling teacher Mindy Lattesman. "By taking this brave stance, Hamodia has opened the door for the eventual acknowledgment that other biological constructs, such as goyim, for example, may in fact exist as well."
Many of those whom Hamodia has long considered to be its most loyal followers, however, have expressed disappointment with the development.
"There is nothing about any 'women' in the Bible in the parts where they're not mentioned," said Rabbi Carl Shlomobach of Bais Ahava U'Tefiloh in San Francisco. "What's next? Claims that we come from something other than storks? This has been a sad step backward for the Jewish nation."
A Hamodia spokesman was careful to categorize the announcement as "cautious," and reiterated that the Editor-in-Chief is still not ready to take any position on the existence of taxes, birth control, or a controversial idea held by many scientists and often referred to as "out of town."
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Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves Halva, co-founded TheKnish.com and wrote a book!: Bush II, Book I, which you must buy, or else we'll take another year to release another issue!
28 Comments
Avi said...
Women ? What exactly are women ? Do they smell nice, are they good to look at ? I never saw a picture of a woman in Hamodia, how are we even supposed to know that such creatures
Wikipedia to the rescue! said...
Avi, see here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women
Ari Welcher said...
Hey Mordechai have been avidly reading this site over the past week.
Awesome!
Damama T said...
LOL! I'm so glad to know that I am officially real. Maybe that explains all that bulky bumpy stuff I bathe and clothe every day! LOL!!
aaron lander said...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Gigidee!
mashgiach said...
wat the heck is this? the novominsker rebbe shli'ta, at the agudah convention, spoke against blogs! and i can't believe aron lander posted a comment - i mean an MTA bachur!!
Cooooooooooooooooooooooool said...
WAssAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAp
avi said...
this is not allowed at all this is wrose then facebook taking to girls everything
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"I thought I heard that Moshe was eating pizza, but I'm not mekabel." --Rabbi Sholom Gold, Menahel, Torah V'Yirah HSDid You Know?
An comprehensive study in 1973 conclusively proved that exercise is goyish.
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Perhaps you could introduce me to one of these fabled creatures?
November 12, 2008 at 11:57 p.m.