GazaDisney Management is Upbeat Despite Signs of a Slow Start
BOMB SHELTER, GAZA — [TheKnish.com] One month after its opening, the Gaza Disneyland theme park - just a stone's throw from Gaza City - is not proving to be the cultural invasion that management thought it would be. Tourists apparently have failed to take the theme park to their hearts.
One reason for this appears to be the inability of Palestinians to break their lifelong habits of mass homicide. Several families, one ticket seller and one mascot (Bombsaway Bobby) were vaporized when one Palestinian father mistakenly forgot to defuse the bomb he had strapped to his month-old child just three weeks earlier.
On Monday, a cool and blustery day and the first after Palestinian school holidays (Q'il Ahjoo and D'eth T'uizrail), many of the British, Italian and Dutch visitors ran away when GazaDisney workers, known as cast members, shot their rifles in the air for no apparent reason.
The rides are also turning visitors away, as the themes are considered objectionable and really not all that much fun. In a survey conducted by the park it was found that 23% didn't like the name of Mad Yasser's Whirling Kassam Rockets, 48% did not find favor with the Big Brainwash Mountain Roller-Coaster and 92% objected to the title of the Q'uranaway Train.
Judging from anecdotal reports and estimates of rail and road traffic between Gaza City and M'urdr Infd'els, 32 bombed-out neighborhoods to the east where the park is situated, Gaza Disneyland has not so far been a big draw in the capital.
"We believe we can attract visitors if we keep the murder rate down a bit," said Yasir Araslim, CEO of GazaDisney. "Right now, 1 out of 5 visitors die by misadventure. If we can lower the casualty rate to 1 out of 10, we believe we can generate significant revenue. It seems that people who don't die are better repeat customer canditates."
The few tourists that didn't die have cited displeasure with the overall experience. "This park is ridiculous," said Patty Mendrum, a visitor from France, "First of all, I am never getting on a ride called Land Mines of Allah. Secondly, ugh, I think their hot dogs are literally hot dogs! Thirdly, I got questioned by some costumed mascots about my virginity, something about their suicide bomber program. I am so out of here."
Martin Bodek is in no way seeking to make light of the disengagement. Rather, this is the author's commentary on the fun-loving Palestinian lifestyle.
Commenting is disabled
Search The Knish:
Article tools:Print this article
Email this article
More by Martin Bodek
Also In Issue 23
Knish ClassifiedsSnoods for sale, all colors and fabrics available, all equally hideous. 917-555-1212
On This DayOn March 29, 1841, Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call and a Jewish mother complained that her son didn't call.