November 12, 2008 | Issue 29

Frei Sector Establishes Immodesty Court

Tel Aviv, Jerusalem — [TheKnish.com] The strictly frei sector has established a new immodesty court to grant treifus certificates to women’s clothing stores. Lycra has become very popular among frei women in recent years. The fabric stretches over the body and, according to rabbis, enhances those parts that should be hidden and exposes parts that should be concealed.

The ultra-frei newspaper Frei for All reported over the weekend that an assembly of rabbis gathered at the home of Rabbi Shalom Yosef Yashiveli, the “great posek” (arbiter of Jewish anti-law) and decided to establish the immodesty court. Court representatives will examine the garments sold in clothes stores and will grant treifus certificates to worthy vendors.

In an announcement published by the rabbis, they clearly define what is permitted to wear:

  • Tricot shirts
  • Lycra shirts and skirts
  • open-collared shirts
  • short and tight skirts
  • skirts with a slit
  • straight-cut skirts
  • long earrings
  • clothes and bags in loud, flashy colors
  • wigs that are too exclusive
  • transparent or colorful stockings
  • clunky shoes
  • muffin tops
  • birthday suits
The war against modesty has recently descended into violence. Extremists attacked women with various perfumes who were wearing modest clothes that didn’t fit their criteria. Clothing stores in Jerusalem have also been hurt. One of the stores near the center of town sustained an attack of bleach bottles. Tens of thousands of shekels of damage were caused to the merchandise.

Fear of the immodesty guards is high in frei neighborhoods. Shulamit, a haredi woman who works in sales in a clothing store in Petach Tikva said, “It is very scary, stressful and unpleasant. A woman is wearing a shpitzel that cost NIS 4 (USD 1), and someone comes along and destroys it.”

Shulamit defines herself as “neo-haredi” and claims that she and other women must not let “all of these protests affect us. It doesn’t bother me at all.” She also claims, “I haven’t changed the clothes I wear. I haven’t met one haredi woman who has tried the muffin-top look or Daisy Dukes because of the demonstrations.”

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


3 Comments

comment Mumcheh said...

You forgot cameltoes.

November 13, 2008 at midnight

comment Damama T said...

Thank you for this article It really highlights what some consider a very serious flaw in our society. The immodesty guards are working overtime around here. I haven't seen a covered belly button or a hidden whale tail in weeks. I just thought the girls' parents weren't paying enough attention when they let their little daughters leave the house looking like street walke... OOPS! Crap! Gotta run! The immodesty guards just pulled up in front of the house! Dang I thought I'd found all the bugs they'd planted to catch me in the act of being a prude!

December 31, 2008 at 5:14 p.m.

comment mikie-boy said...

I suppose the funniest part for me was remembering a friend of ours screaming at my wife [her best friend] before going to a party "You can't wear *that*! you have a good figure, show it off, I want to see some cleavage...." Chuckle.

March 27, 2009 at 4:03 p.m.

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