September 1, 2003 | Issue 4

Flatbush Gets Drunk on Simchas Torah, Finds Self in Queens

QUEENS, NY — [] Citing numerous sources, it was reported that on Simchas Torah, Flatbush got drunk and woke up in the middle of Queens. Friends noticed that it was drinking a bit too many shots of Bookers.

Saying that it wanted to get "into the dancing," it started with a shot or two to "loosen up." More alcohol was soon imbibed and Flatbush started to feel the affects.

"It was like Flatbush didn't realize how much alcohol was being drunk," witness Shalom Franken said. "But it was very leibadick."

Apparently in middle of the fifth hakafah Flatbush stormed out because it wasn't feeling well. Boro Park and Kensington didn't hear from Flatbush until the next day, when Kew Gardens Hills called to complain that Flatbush was being sick all over the Van Wyck Expressway and it was backing up traffic. Vowing "never again," Flatbush decided not go collecting this Purim.


Pencil Chaim Y got the ball rolling, so you owe him big. He co-founded the with Martin Bodek, a day which will forever live in famy. His hobbies include gum-chewing, bubblewrap-popping, and comparing chometz horror stories. He lives in a city with people.


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Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Tannis, Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks Companion for living life in the "fast" lane.

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