April 1, 2007 | Issue 27

El Al Hires Hocker Mashgiach Under Rabbinic Pressure

TEL AVIV, ISRAEL — [TheKnish.com] In an effort not to waste their stockpile of mehadrin meals due to a boycott by the mehadrin meal eating people, El Al has agreed to hire a mashgiach to make sure that planes do not fly on Shabbos. If a plane does fly on Shabbos, the mashgiach will report the offense to the gedolim, who would then authorize a strike, international riots and a slew of colorful tzedakah letters on behalf of all the yidden with non-refundable tickets.

After much deliberation, El Al has hired Shlomie Shlomeil, a nephew of one of the gedolim who was unable to get into any kollel whatsoever, as the mashgiach. In order to be able to determine if an airplane flew on Shabbos, Shlomeil will undergo intensive training in areas such as using a calendar to differentiate between days of the week and how to tell the difference between an airplane and a shtreimel.

Following in the convention of restaurant mashgichim, Shlomeil will assist El Al in other activities during down time, which in this case includes Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. These activities will be similar to the activities of the restaurant mashgichim:

  • Staring at passengers who don’t look like you.
  • Sitting down and having conversations with those that do.
  • Directing customers to different airlines when they call with questions.
  • Reorganizing the condiments.
As part of the agreement, Shlomeil will also be taking part in airplane maintenance, security and the occasional piloting.

Of course, Shlomeil will have Shabbos off.

Writer

Pencil David Friedman won’t fly on any flight that doesn’t check for bugs.


0 Comments

Commenting is disabled

search Search The Knish:


tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by David Friedman More by David Friedman

cloud1

Also In Issue 27

Random Stories

cloud2

On This Day

On March 26, 1764, Chaim Marshowitz won the first gefilte fish eating contest.

Weather Forecast

weather Shrecklich!

cloud3

Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.