April 1, 2005 | Issue 20

Chareidim Introduce a Book Burning Mobile

article pic BNEI BRAK, ISRAEL — [TheKnish.com] One of the first books to be burned was Ishe Kisazria's, "If You Don't Bren Now, You'll Bren Later," a book about burning books.

In an attempt to pick up where they left off hundreds of years ago the Chareidim introduced a new concept: the Book Burning Mobile. They observed the success of the Book Mobile for years now, and eager to plunder its rewards, have started their own mobile dedicated to the burning of books that run counter to Chareidi doctrine.

The first books loaded into the Book Burning Mobile, or BBM, were anything written by Rabbi Nosson Slifkin, such as ,"The Science of Torah" and "The Camel, the Hare, and the Hyrax."

The BBM was built out of an old cholov yisroel ice cream truck chassis with a 15,000 BTU gasoline-powered kiln in the back. It travels through the neighborhoods with a Rabbi at the wheel belting out Handel’s "Messiah" over the loudspeakers, enticing children to bring their parents’ books out to the curb for proper disposal.

Some children’s books that made the Chareidim’s list include the entire Harry Potter series (because the Torah says "machsheifah lo sichayeh"), the Young Jedi Knights series (for adulation of Darth Vader's evil), and anything by Dr. Seuss (chas v'sholom you should go to a shaygitz doctor, all you need is tehillim).

The Book Burning Mobile has made great strides toward the past. When reached for comment, Rabbi Yosef Ovadiah was unable to speak because English is a treifah language. However, he communicated through a translator, “I wholeheartedly support the position of my little Chareidalach. In fact, I designed the Book Burning Mobile myself, and...hey, is that a nekaiveh driving the BBM? Hold on while I declare her chayiv skilah.”

Writer

Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded TheKnish.com, and writes books from 5-9: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/mbodekatgmaildotcom


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