July 1, 2004 | Issue 13

Cabinet Member: Dismissal "No Fair, Telling My Mommy"

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL — [TheKnish.com] Claiming that his dismissal from Ariel Sharon's cabinet was against the rules, cabinet minister Avigdor Lieberman vowed to take his case to the highest authorities.

By Israeli law, a dismissal is legal only if it is received in person. A spokesman for Ariel Sharon confirmed that a courier caught up to Lieberman at his gym, thereby validating the dismissal.

An anonymous source speaking for the Lieberman camp told TheKnish.com that, "Mr. Lieberman was clearly touching the monkey bars in the gym. It is well known that the monkey bars are 'base' and it is not fair to tag someone who is on base." The source then blew a raspberry and shouted, "Nah, nah!"

The matter was taken to a lower court which sided with Sharon's government. The court did not disagree with the monkey bars being "base," but had a problem with Lieberman's interpretation of parallel bars being legally equivalent to monkey bars. They also indicated that if perhaps Mr. Lieberman had called a "time out," it would be a different matter. Sharon then appeared on Israeli national television likening himself to rubber, and Lieberman to glue and proclaiming, “Whatever you say to me bounces off of me and sticks to you!”

Avigdor Lieberman will now take the matter to the highest of courts - Sharon's Mommy - to tell on him. Insiders predict that the outcome will most likely be a “do-over”.


Pencil David Friedman can be found sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g. When he was a baby, he stuck his head in gravy, washed it out with bubble gum and sent it to the navy. (Or so he was told.)


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