September 1, 2005 | Issue 23

Bush Proposes Moving Nation's Capital to Williamsburg

article pic WILLIAMSBURG, BROOKLYN — [] Business leaders say Williamsburg, the city which currently gives President George W. Bush his highest approval rating in the nation (12.2%), could soon be getting something in return, as the president today proposed moving the nation’s capital to Williamsburg for the remainder of his second term.

Mr. Bush used a speech in V'Yoel Moshe to float the idea of moving the nation’s center of government from Washington, D.C. to The Chareidi City.

“I’ll tell you this,” Mr. Bush told the cheering crowd, “I wouldn’t minded going backing to Washington so muchly if Washington were in Williamsburgville.”

The crowd obviously appreciated that Mr. Bush used their dialect, easily accomplished by simply letting him speak as usual without the benefit of a speechwriter or Hooked on Phonics book at the ready.

While some in the audience at first thought that Mr. Bush was suffering from a bout of geographic confusion, he soon made it clear that he was actually proposing moving the federal government to Willamsburg, a decision that business leaders believe could mean trillions of dollars to the city.

But Dr. Isser Sheester, professor of flat-earth science at the University of Mondroe, believes that moving the nation’s capital from Washington to Williamsburg could hold hidden perils for Mr. Bush.

“Right now, Williamsburg loves Bush, but Bush is almost never there,” Dr. Sheester said. “There’s a possibility that once Bush is in Williamsburg a whole lot, Williamsburg won’t like him nearly so much. I mean, he's just way too frum.”

But Dr. Sheester says there could be a silver lining to such a scenario. “Once President Bush realizes that Williamsburg is where he has to go to work every day, he probably won’t be there that much, especially in the summer, when riding his bike would mean dodging past 26-member families on a constant basis."


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded, and writes books from 5-9:


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