September 29, 2016 | Issue 32

Ask A Hot Chanie – Off Season Edition

WOODBURN, BERGEN COUNTY, MONSEY — [TheKnish.com] Dear Chanie,
My neighbors have recently purchased a woodstove for their den and are always talking about how warm and cozy it is and how much they enjoy it. The problem is that the smell of burning logs is driving me crazy. It’s so strong and is permeating my house, and my car, even my clothes smell like smoke! I can’t get away from it. Is it within my rights to ask them to stop polluting the neighborhood with their stinky smoke every night?

Sammy K. - Woodburn, NY

Dear Sammy -
Speaking of manicures…there is no way I’m going to wreck mine scrubbing pots and pans- so keeping a good reliable cleaning girl serious business. The key is not to let them too comfortable, you know, keep her busy and make her re-do things from time to time just to let her know you notice. Tell her the big screen in the bedroom still looks dusty to you, it probably does! I let mine “accidentally” overhear me talking on the phone about how I might start cleaning the house myself just to keep her on her toes. What? No! As if!! You know I have to save my energy for the more important stuff like shopping, Zumba, and keeping it interesting on mikva night. Yes of COURSE she’s Polish… when she doesn’t understand what I’m telling her I just speak louder… works every time. Anyway, the baby is getting pretty good at translating since they spend so much time together.
~
Dear Chanie,
the morning has become a waking nightmare around my house. My 5th grader complains of a stomachache daily (even though the doctor can’t find anything wrong) and it takes all my energy to force her out of bed. I spend the rest of the morning running around looking for this one’s pencil case and that one’s left shoe. We barely get to the bus stop on time and I’m exhausted and sweating by the time I get to the office. What am I doing wrong?

Wiped Out - Bergen County, New Jersey

Dear Wiped -
Did you read that letter that’s been posted all around telling women to cut their sheitels?
You realize that for a wig like mine that’s what? $1,000 an inch? That doesn’t even cover the haircut and styling at the salon in the city… that is if you can even get an appointment with Henri! You know very well I’m not going to let some old sheitel-lady use her rusty scissors and spray her dollar store Aqua Net on my lux locks. Keep your under-moisturized hands to yourself bubbaleh! Let me give you some styling advice, Hakodeshbarchu knows you could use it! Three words - CUSTOM COLOR ONLY. If you can pick your color from a swatch I feel sorry for you. I can spot a 12/6 a mile away. You want highlights and lowlights and you want it done right. Don’t be cheap, you can make up for it by shopping at Barney’s later. This is an investment in yourself! I know I’m not me until I’ve clipped on my custom and had my third skinny latte, have some self-respect ladies!
~
Dear Hot Chanie –
My mother in law always is always buying things for my kids, a basement full of toys, clothes they don’t need, candy etc… I’m trying to raise them to appreciate what they have, but the first thing out of their mouths when she arrives at the house is “What did you bring us!!!” She loves it, of course, but I think they are turning into greedy little children. How can I get her to stop without her feeling like I’m questioning her values?

Overloaded in Monsey, NY

Dear Overloaded,
Winter is a tough time for all of us! Dry skin, salt staining your black leather boots, and winter coats that hide your figure! It’s tempting to just stay in the house, watch soap operas, and yell at your cleaning girl all day, but if you want to stay a Hot Chanie you need to have discipline. Being a Hot Chanie is about being SEEN and enjoying it. Let me tell you right now that hiding in your house in a robe and snood while shoveling Shabbos leftovers into your face straight out of a foil pan is NOT going to get you noticed, just saying. My point is you need to get out there! Just like athletes train harder with some good competition I’d recommend getting into a crowd where you need to compete to stand out. Who can eat the least at brunch? Who can brave the snow and ice in least sensible designer coat and high-heeled boots? Who can wear the most realistic false eyelashes? Who can work their core the hardest in pilates? With four or five women scrutinizing your every move and sniping behind your back you are sure to up your game!

Writer

Pencil Shifra is the most fabulous TheKnish.com correspondent. Raised in specially-built awesomeness schools, she broke the world record for coolness by age 14. By 18 she had cornered the market on hipness, with hotness rising faster than her numerous suitors' ardor. Her current age is top secret for reasons of national security, understandable given China's well-known government-sponsored fabulousness industry. You can reach her at her undisclosed (but fabulous) location by emailing shifraq@gmail.com.


36 Comments

comment ig said...

Woah! I'm really enjoying the template/theme of this website.
It's simple, yet effective. A lot of times it's difficult to get that "perfect balance" between usability
and visual appeal. I must say you have done a very good
job with this. Additionally, the blog loads extremely fast for me on Chrome.
Exceptional Blog!

March 8, 2017 at 3:15 p.m.

comment Augusto de Arruda Botelho said...

Howdy fantastic website! Does running a blog such as this require a lot of work?
I have very little understanding of programming but I had been hoping to start my
own blog in the near future. Anyway, should you have
any suggestions or tips for new blog owners please share.
I understand this is off subject however I just had to ask.
Thanks!

March 11, 2017 at 8:31 p.m.

comment Dann said...

Have you ever considered creating an e-book or guest authoring on other sites?

I have a blog based on the same subjects you discuss and would really like to have you share
some stories/information. I know my visitors would value your
work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e
mail.

March 19, 2017 at 1:07 a.m.

comment Kent said...

Excellent post. Keep writing such kind of info on your page.
Im really impressed by your site.
Hello there, You have done a great job. I will
certainly digg it and for my part suggest to my
friends. I'm sure they will be benefited from this site.

March 20, 2017 at 7:44 a.m.

comment Silvia Odete Morani Massad said...

We are a bunch of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.
Your web site offered us with useful information to work on. You've performed
an impressive activity and our entire group can be thankful to you.

March 20, 2017 at 4:50 p.m.

comment trusted meat store said...

Hi there would you mind letting me know which web host
you're working with? I've loaded your blog in 3 completely different web browsers and I must say
this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you suggest a good
web hosting provider at a reasonable price? Thank you, I appreciate
it!

March 20, 2017 at 7:57 p.m.

comment Meri said...

Hi there, its pleasant piece of writing about media print,
we all understand media is a impressive source of facts.

March 21, 2017 at 2:26 a.m.

comment Lavonne said...

Hello, everything is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing data, that's really excellent, keep
up writing.

March 21, 2017 at 6:40 a.m.

comment Itamar Serpa Fernandes said...

Thanks designed for sharing such a nice opinion, article is fastidious,
thats why i have read it fully

March 21, 2017 at 6:15 p.m.

comment book industry said...

Hi, I do believe this is a great web site. I stumbledupon it ;) I may come
back yet again since i have saved as a favorite it. Money and freedom is the
best way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide others.

March 21, 2017 at 10:27 p.m.

comment home business said...

Wonderful blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News.
Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!

Thanks

March 21, 2017 at 10:40 p.m.

comment credit cards said...

hey there and thank you for your info – I have certainly picked up something new from
right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this web site,
as I experienced to reload the web site many times previous
to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering
if your hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will
very frequently affect your placement in google and can damage your quality score if ads and marketing
with Adwords. Well I'm adding this RSS to my email and can look
out for a lot more of your respective exciting
content. Make sure you update this again very soon.

March 22, 2017 at 12:05 a.m.

comment Jina said...

Sweet blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News.
Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News?

I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
Appreciate it

March 22, 2017 at 8:55 a.m.

comment credit card said...

Wow, wonderful blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?

you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is magnificent, as well as the
content!

March 22, 2017 at 9:24 a.m.

comment potential financial advisor said...

I am really impressed along with your writing talents
as well as with the structure for your blog. Is this a paid topic or did you customize it your
self? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is uncommon to see a
great blog like this one nowadays..

March 22, 2017 at 3:13 p.m.

comment Kaylene said...

Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog
and I am inspired! Extremely helpful information specially
the ultimate section :) I deal with such info
a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a very lengthy time.
Thank you and good luck.

March 23, 2017 at 5:57 a.m.

comment Floyd said...

I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the
page layout of your website? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
But maybe you could a little more in the way
of content so people could connect with it better.
Youve got an awful lot of text for only having
1 or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

March 23, 2017 at 8:05 a.m.

comment diet plan said...

Wow, this post is fastidious, my sister is analyzing these things,
therefore I am going to tell her.

March 23, 2017 at 8:47 a.m.

comment Georges Sadala said...

If you desire to obtain a good deal from this post then you have
to apply these techniques to your won weblog.

March 23, 2017 at 12:33 p.m.

comment Gino said...

Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious
if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?
I get so much lately it's driving me insane so any support is
very much appreciated.

March 24, 2017 at 2:57 p.m.

comment Egli Diana Pinto said...

Hi there, after reading this amazing piece of
writing i am too glad to share my knowledge here with
mates.

March 24, 2017 at 3:27 p.m.

comment Darrel said...

This is my first time pay a quick visit at
here and i am genuinely happy to read everthing at single place.

March 24, 2017 at 6:30 p.m.

comment Nidia said...

I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your
blogs really nice, keep it up! I'll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back
later on. All the best

March 24, 2017 at 6:33 p.m.

comment games work said...

Do you have any video of that? I'd care to find out some additional information.

March 24, 2017 at 11:44 p.m.

comment Itamar Serpa Fernandes said...

I don't know if it's just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering issues with your
blog. It seems like some of the text on your content are running
off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let
me know if this is happening to them as well? This might be a problem with my
internet browser because I've had this happen before.
Many thanks

March 25, 2017 at 12:16 a.m.

comment Connie said...

Hi my family member! I want to say that this article is awesome,
nice written and include almost all vital infos. I'd like to peer extra posts like this .

March 25, 2017 at 2:54 a.m.

comment Itamar Serpa Fernandes said...

Attractive component of content. I simply stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to claim that I get in fact enjoyed
account your weblog posts. Anyway I'll be subscribing on your augment and
even I fulfillment you get right of entry to constantly quickly.

March 25, 2017 at 10:08 a.m.

comment Trinidad said...

Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam remarks?
If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?

I get so much lately it's driving me crazy so any support is very much appreciated.

March 25, 2017 at 10:30 a.m.

comment Raul said...

Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my
comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyway,
just wanted to say wonderful blog!

March 25, 2017 at 5:16 p.m.

comment elixir keratin conditioner said...

Hi this is kinda of off topic but I was wondering if
blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
I'm starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get
guidance from someone with experience. Any help would
be enormously appreciated!

March 25, 2017 at 6:10 p.m.

comment administers velashape said...

Very great post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I
have truly enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. In any case I
will be subscribing on your rss feed and I'm hoping you write once more soon!

March 25, 2017 at 6:38 p.m.

comment car computer exchange said...

Its not my first time to go to see this web page, i am browsing this web
page dailly and take fastidious facts from here every day.

March 26, 2017 at 12:50 a.m.

comment Sherrie said...

Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few
of the images aren't loading correctly. I'm not
sure why but I think its a linking issue. I've tried it in two different web browsers and
both show the same outcome.

March 26, 2017 at 7:22 a.m.

comment credit cards said...

Hi there, the whole thing is going perfectly here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that's really fine,
keep up writing.

March 26, 2017 at 5:18 p.m.

comment suitable financial advisor said...

I every time used to study piece of writing in news papers but now as I am a user of internet so from now
I am using net for content, thanks to web.

March 27, 2017 at 1:46 p.m.

comment banks offer said...

This is a great tip especially to those fresh to the
blogosphere. Brief but very precise information… Thanks for sharing this one.

A must read post!

March 29, 2017 at 2:17 a.m.

Post a comment

search Search The Knish:


tool Article tools:

Print this article Print this article
Email this article Email this article
More by Shifra More by Shifra

cloud1

Also In Issue 32

Random Stories

cloud2

Deep Quote

"There are no stupid shaylos, just stupid talmidim." --The RaCHMaL

Knish Horoscope

Taleh/Aries: You will have trouble getting your tefillin shel rosh positioned right.

cloud3

Bush II Do you like satire? Do you like the Bible? Do you like politics? Do you like them all together at the same time? Now, for the first time ever, you can kill all three birds with one stone. Bush II, Book I is the King James Version of the first term of George W. Bush. Buy it and multitask like never before.