August 1, 2004 | Issue 14

Arabs: McGreevey Scandal Perpetrated by the Mossad

DUBAI, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES — [] In a move today that shocked no one, the Arab League declared that the resignation of Governor Jim McGreevy of New Jersey was brought about by a Mosaad plot to blackmail him. Arab League spokesman Ahmed a-Dudi said, "It is well know that Golan Cipel is a zionist devil spy. He has been used before with much success to seduce and control politicians for the benefit of the Zionist entity."a-Dudi went on to state that Mr. Cipel was involved in the resignation of the Greek Minister of Defense, Likas Souvlaki Indeas. He also said that the Mossad really tipped its hand when it was revealed that all of Mr. Cipel's fifteen years of military experience came as a hairdresser.

Reporters obtained comments from Moshe Shemtov, head of the Why Are You Always Blaming Us? organization - A Jewish group that tries to downplay such allegations about Israel and the Jews. "I am not in the least bit surprised," said Mr. Shemtov. "These are the same morons who claimed that 9/11 was perpetrated by Israel. To think, two buildings owned by a Jew, and not one person ever suggests he did it for the insurance money!"

McGreevey's childhood priest, Bishop John Pedophile of the Sacred Convent of Young Boys, was in complete disbelief about McGreevey's admission of his homosexuality. Pedophile agreed with Mr. a-Dudi, "If anyone knows that John McGreevey is gay, it would be me, and I know that he isn't, and even if he has made this transition as an adult, both I and my Attorney will assure you that I had nothing to do with it. This little Israeli boy is Jim McGreevey's own personal Judas, leading a helpless lamb to the slaughter. G-d should strike down his wrath on this boy! (By chance, do you have his number?).

It is rumored that Mel Gibson is considering a film version of the whole affair. His working title is called "The Passion of the Gov", and he says that all of the dialogue will be in New Jerseyan, with Long Eye-Landese subtitles. Despite claims by the Jewish Community, Gibson insists that the film is not anti-semitic.

As for Governor McGreevey, he is trying to get on with business as usual during his last few weeks in office. Busy as always, McGreevey signed his first law since coming out: changing the State bird to the Israeli faigeleh.


Pencil Yonah Wolf, a.k.a. the Fifth Wiggle, lives in White Plains, NY, where--surprisingly--there are some Jews. He got his primary education at a school whose initials were TV, but ironically wouldn't let you watch it. Despite that, he managed to grow up, get married to his lovely wife Faigy, and now spends his time singing along with Greg, Murray, Jeff, Anthony and his two sons Mitch and Mike. You can take a peek into Yonah's brain by reading his blog.


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