March 1, 2004 | Issue 9

Angry Fressers March on Kosher Delightful in Protest of Supersize Phase-out

NEW YORK, NY — [] Angry fressers staged an “eat-in” at a Kosher Delightful flagship restaurant in Manhattan today to protest the restaurant corporation’s recent decision to phase out its so-called Supersize portions of chazerai.

The “Million Mentch Munch” drew a crowd of approximately 300,000 fressers and featured several rousing speeches as well as a mile-long sundae bar with over four thousand fixings.

“I came for the sundae but I stayed to make a statement,” Said Yochanan Kvetch, a 32-year-old fresser from Monsey, New York. “Kosher Delight has been taking fressers for granted for way too long and this decision to get rid of Supersizing is just the latest and most egregious example.”

The marchers, who spent over seven hours making the two-mile trek, were “peaceful but easily winded,” one New York policeman said.

Shmiel Dvorkin, a professional fressing competitor, said that the march was “pound for pound the biggest protest demonstration in modern American history.”

Mr. Dvorkin said that in his capacity as a spokesman for Fressing he had recently reached out to representatives of Laziness, hoping to form a political action group representing two horrible sins and some of Kosher Delightful’s most important customers.

There are limited options for fressers to turn to since there are very few Jewish food chains. Creative fressers have found a solution: ordering 27 portions of chazerai and emptying the portions into four trays, which are approximately the size of the good ol' fashioned Supersize chazerai they had come to know and love.


Pencil Martin Bodek is short, dark, handsome, runs marathons (finishes them too!), can solve a Rubik's Cube in 1:47, is a big TED chasid, can whup your keister in Scrabble, loves halva, co-founded, and writes books from 5-9:


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