60,000 LED Menorahs Recalled
BROOKLYN, NEW YORK — [TheKnish.com] More than 60,000 LED menorahs made in China were recalled Wednesday for containing spiritually dangerous LED lights, a Judaica watchdog group announced. Extended use of LED menorahs have been shown to poison the minds of Jewish children, with various studies linking them to non-jelly donut usage, latkes with insufficient grease, spelling Chanukah with an "h" and in rare cases the acquiring, decorating and usage of Chanukah bushes, chas veshalom.
The group, Frummies Against Internet, Goyishe Electricity, Lights and Automobiles (FAIGELA), issued a press statement on Thursday regarding this recall. Most media outlets have dismissed the group as a bunch of crackpots, but TheKnish.com has not published an issue in over a month so it was in need of some articles.
In addition to the 60,000 LED menorahs, 14,000 Halogen menorahs and 12,000 fluorescent menorahs were also recalled. This comes only one year after the infamous recall of 6000 oil menorahs whose vessels where so small that they led to the choking death of seventeen people. The victims were kanaim who were so surprised that the shiur of oil the menorahs could hold only followed seven out of nine halachic opinions, that they choked to death from shock.
Chinese officials claim that the manufacture of the LED menorahs should not be blamed on them, as they followed the original rabbinical specifications. FAIGELA counters that the original specifications were made by modern orthodox rabbis, but those kinds of people don't exist anymore.
In a statement posted by FAIGELA on lampposts throughout Brooklyn, the group advises that if you do come into possesion of a LED menorah, bring it immediately to your local street corner bonfire. Under no circumstances should the LED menorah be lit, except in bonfires, especially by children.
David Friedman is a regular contributor to TheKnish.com whose work has appeared in such well known publications as The New York Times, Vanity Fair, and Playboy magazine (only the articles). You will not find them in any archive though, as they have all been recalled.
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Knish PersonalsStaunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who will accept my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it.