Main Entry: knish-employee
Etymology: Yiddish, from Polish knysz and Middle English emploien
Creators/editors/writers of fake Jewish news websites, sauteed in satire, wrapped in a flaky dough and then baked or fried.
Martin is a recent graduate of the Jon Stewart College of Funny Fake News Delivery, minoring in No Really, This Stuff is True, taught by emeritus Conan O'Brien. In a shameless act of self-promotion, he has linked the Calvin picture to the left to his personal homepage. Mr. Bodek has had several business ventures, all fantastic successes. TheKnish.com is what he's come up with to lower the bar for an actual challenge.
He is also a bonafide author, not just a satire writer. Behold!: Martin Bodek's Author Spotlight. Eh? Eh? Buy some and Martin will promise to launch Knissues more frequently.
"Mordy" is a pseudonym for a card-carrying, certified computer security geek, as a quick Google search will confirm. His sense of humor must therefore remain secret, so his Knish reporting is under this assumed name. He contributes articles, ideas and editing to TheKnish.com, mostly to upset his numerous enemies. If it's working, please let him know.
Naomi happily endures her husband's "is this funny?" questions all day long. This alone would earn her editor status even if she DIDN'T edit all the material on the bus ride home from work while her husband does The Times crossword. Many editors has the L-rd created, but she has surpassed them all.
Bodek's Baby Girl is the current official Guinness record holder for Cutest Baby in the Universe. Her primary functions at TheKnish.com are to make cute funny faces and look adorable in her little Yankees outfits. Baby Girl's future has already been mapped out, as she will spend the first 20 years of her life being spoiled rotten by her folks, the following 20 years setting world female running records, and her last 80 visiting her parents in the nice 40 acre property she bought them.
Bodek's Baby Boy is already showing a penchant for humor, laughing quite regularly at his parents. When he grows up he's sure to win fame and fortune wielding the same wit evidenced by his sly grin when his diaper is full. All inquiries about the alleged spaghetti incident should be addressed to his legal guardians (a.k.a. Mommy and Daddy).
There was a time in the past when TheKnish.com did not have so many writers. It was decided by the editors that they would adopt a baby boy and raise him in a Knishy environment in the hopes of his one day becoming a prolific TheKnish.com author. They named this boy David Friedman. "David" was chosen after a TheKnish.com editor's favorite statue, while "Friedman" was chosen as a cruel joke since most of David's life has been spent locked in TheKnish.com's basement office. Once in a while David was taken around the various Jewish neighborhoods in New York to get inspiration for articles. This stopped after his infamous escape attempt in Monsey.
Upon reaching adulthood, David started producing funny articles. TheKnish.com's editors were overjoyed and decided that in order to guarantee the continued existence of TheKnish.com through future generations they would need to breed David to make funny babies. David's wife is not amused.
Mordechai "Mike" Schmutter writes a weekly humor column for Hamodia, which [Censored by Hamodia]. He also teaches Language Arts in a yeshiva high school, where he tries to get kids to stop saying, “He’s staying by me in the house.” It’s an uphill battle. He is also the author of the book, Don’t Yell 'CHALLAH!' in a Crowded Matzah Bakery, which turns Passover’s most stressful points into its funniest points, from cleaning electrical outlets with a paper clip to cooking elaborate dishes with no ingredients to telling your kids the story of Passover in a language they understand when they have taken great pains to ask you the Mah Nishtanah in a language neither of you understands. He lives in New Jersey.
Jayson Littman is the famous Washington Square Park Hugger (not to be confused with the infamous Washington Square Park Mugger.) For a while he selflessly brightened the lives of the famously taciturn New Yorkers. Lucky for you, when he's not in Washington Square Park he gives out his hugs via email. When you email him, remember the rules: no dates, no numbers, no money. (Tell him TheKnish.com sent you!)
Yonah Wolf is one of the few people to call Martin Bodek by his full Hebrew name (and probably one of the few to actually remember it). He occasionally writes features for TheKnish.com when Bodek nudges him or he's 'feeling funny'. His greatest success in writing at TheKnish.com is when people forward his own articles to him, not realizing that he wrote them (don't they read the by-line? There aren't that many Yonah Wolf's in the world--aside from his cousin and that guy in Cleveland) and enjoys writing articles with fake people whose names are funny only if you know Yiddish.
In addition to TheKnish.com, Yonah's humor credits include (really, really, really) amateur(ish) stand-up and impersonating the characters from kids shows at his children's birthday parties. On the serious side, he maintains two blogs, one about Jewish Parenting (www.paymykidstuition.com) and one about his Judo training (trts.worldjudo.info). He currently resides in White Plains, NY (yes, there are Jews there, and Orthodox ones at that!) with his family.
Upon receiving Smicha, Rabbi Schmeckelstein taught high school and rabbinical students the intricacies of Talmudic exegesis, Jewish philosophy, and family purity. After twenty years, Rabbi Schmeckelstein took a Sabbatical to "find himself," during which he studied law, Indian spiritualism, pastry cooking, sports medicine, and metallurgy. He subsequently established his own rabbinical institute, Yeshivas Chipass Emmess ("Search for the Truth") with the goal of combining the beauty of Torah and Jewish culture with the harsh realities of a cynical, cruel world. Rabbi Schmeckelstein is often happily married and has countless children and grandchildren. His hobbies include berating his frigid wife, obsessing about Niddah, bad-mouthing the Triangle K, collecting miniature shtenders, and day trading.
Chaim Y got the ball rolling, so you owe him big. He co-founded the TheKnish.com with Martin Bodek, a day which will forever live in famy. His hobbies include gum-chewing, bubblewrap-popping, and comparing chometz horror stories. He lives in a city with people.
Michael, who moonlights as a gothic makeup artist, spends his days contemplating the meaning of life, only to forget and have to start over again the next morning. In between, he finds the time to investigate human interest stories as a correspondent to TheKnish.com.
We don't know who Tanya is, but she submitted an original piece to TheKnish.com and we liked it, so up it went!
Ayala Cohen spends her days as a media research supervisor at a global media agency, and her nights and weekends as a knitting/crocheting teacher. Ayala is married to magician Binyamin Cohen. “Yes, I’m the magician’s wife. No, he never cuts me in half or makes me disappear, but you’re the first person to make that witty comment.” They have three children, Pru, R’vu, and Kein Yirbu.
Annie Korzen (Seinfeld's Doris Klompus) tours world-wide with her solo show, Yenta Unplugged. Her humorous essays have aired on NPR's "Morning Edition", and will appear in www.freshyarn.com, The Jewish Journal of Los Angeles, and Orange County Jewish Life. Drop by her website at www.anniekorzen.com.
Ann Onymous is the most important of all TheKnish.com submitters, though we have a sneaking suspicion she's been sending other sites material too. Her name and picture are also telling us something, but we're not sure what. If you know, please tell us.
Shifra is the most fabulous TheKnish.com correspondent. Raised in specially-built awesomeness schools, she broke the world record for coolness by age 14. By 18 she had cornered the market on hipness, with hotness rising faster than her numerous suitors' ardor. Her current age is top secret for reasons of national security, understandable given China's well-known government-sponsored fabulousness industry. You can reach her at her undisclosed (but fabulous) location by emailing email@example.com.
David Bar-Magen often forgets why he entered the room, and this one time he ran over a squirrel. Seriously, the damn thing just ran in front of the car like it wanted to end it all.
David has spent some quality time of his life in the Ir Hakadosh, Lakewood, NJ. He attributes this exposure to the generally unhinged state of his mind and the fact that he sometimes bolts upright at three in the morning in a cold sweat, yelling, "Hide the TV! Wake the children!"
When not concentrating on maintaining enough sanity to write knish-flavored articles (it doesn't take much), David enjoys mimicking passersby and recounting gruesomely humiliating dating stories that never happened to him. David is very happy that Five Hour Energy has recently obtained the Star-K symbol.
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Knish ClassifiedsLightly used Artscroll Shas for sale. Turns out it's not easy in English either. Call (917) 555-1273.
Did You Know?Men's Tzitzis actually require laundering? Yeah, us neither.