Issue 32

Baked September 29, 2016

Hot Stories

Rabbis Master Baiting Kiki Riki Buyers

In the neverending quest to ban more and more items from everyday usage for all its constituents, particularly non-males, a group of preeminent Rabbis in Bnei Brak has declared Kiki Riki, the popular shell option for approximately 100% (margin of error: ~3%) of the opposite-male Jewish population. […] Full Story

Hamodiette Turns 5; Still Won't Post Pictures of Obama

The Orthodox newspaper Hamodiette will not publish any photographs of Barack Obama because it says it is following the strictest interpretation of Jewish law. Barack Obama is America's 44th president, but his picture will never appear on the pages of the country's only Jewish female daily newspaper. […] Full Story

Rabbi Charged With Not Being A Rabbi

A man who worked for a synagogue as a Rabbi was arrested Thursday after investigators determined he was not licensed to practice Rabbinut, state Division of Criminal Justice spokesman James Bettis said in a release. Efroim Ligener, 56, was arrested by inspectors from the Rabbinical Fraud Control Unit in the Office of the Chief State's Attorney and charged with illegal use of the registered Rabbi title, six counts of second-degree tax-paying and criminal honesty. He was released after posting $5,000 bond. […] Full Story

Long-Awaited Unemployment Study Questions the Power of Schlissel Challah

Schlissel Challah offered by strangers had no effect on the employment of people who were enduring the job interview process, a large and long-awaited study has found. And job seekers who knew schlissel challah were being made for them had a higher rate of post-hire complications like abnormal pain in the tuches bosses, perhaps because of the expectations the challahs created, the researchers suggested. […] Full Story

A Good Woman is Hard to Find- Updated Tznius Laws Leave Jewish Women Unrecognizable

Not since the hilarious biblical wedding mix up of Rachel and Leah has the Jewish community been so confounded. New modesty requirements have made it increasingly difficult to distinguish one charedi woman from another. Complete skin coverage, loose clothing, identical sheitels, and an abundance of black garments are creating a lot of confusion for the already frustrated men of Boro Park. […] Full Story

Ask A Hot Chanie – Off Season Edition

Dear Chanie, My neighbors have recently purchased a woodstove for their den and are always talking about how warm and cozy it is and how much they enjoy it. The problem is that the smell of burning logs is driving me crazy. It’s so strong and is permeating my house, and my car, even my clothes smell like smoke! I can’t get away from it. Is it within my rights to ask them to stop polluting the neighborhood with their stinky smoke every night? […] Full Story

Cool Photos

  • captioned pic KosherLamp Stocks Soar After Introduction of the New Mehadrin Model
  • captioned pic Chossid Shotah Pokes His Eyes Out After Looking at Hot Chicks
  • captioned pic Locals Make do as Typos Keep Eastern Rabbi from Attending Festivities
  • captioned pic Father Shows Sons How to Have *Real* Kavana!
  • captioned pic One Jew Raptured. The Rest Still Going to Hell

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